A Truer True Blood: Missing the Good Days (and Nights)

Pam! Jessica! Plaid shirt!

Pam! Jessica! Plaid shirt!

True Blood is not a good show anymore. It’s okay—more on par with Entourage than Game of Thrones. There are many silly characters with unclear motivations, tired plotlines, and are generally interesting. I audibly sigh every time a scene focuses on Tara, Sam, Jason, or Hotshot. Since I have been feeling pretty irritated by True Blood these days, I thought I’d go on the internet and write about how dumb it can be. Instead, I felt the AV Club review covered a lot of my thoughts, so instead I will put forth a few ideas on how I think the show could improve. Minor season 4 spoilers and ideas for improvement after the break.

(Obvious idea #1) Focus on the interesting characters, such as Jessica, Pam, and Eric. Take a lesson from Deadwood or Lost, figure out which characters are just damn interesting to watch, and give them good stories (from the aforementioned shows, Al and Ben, respectively).

(Obvious idea #2) Stop expanding, you don’t do it well. Adding more characters, such as Sam’s new ladyfriend with her different brand of magic powers, isn’t going to help in the long run. Pick some stories and run with them. Remember season 1, when an overarching story held the whole thing together, and we genuinely cared about the characters involved? Do that again. On a related note, having the characters altogether in one story would help. These days, there are five to six stories, and often only one or two characters in each one.

Take a road trip. When Sookie and Eric went to Dallas to find Godric? That was pretty fun. I’m not counting last year’s trip to Russell’s vampire mansion because it was too close to all the awful, awful scenes with Tara. Maybe the gang could go find Steve Newlin and beat him up. Maybe instead of vampire politics between a bunch of newly-introduced characters, the show could focus on humans who hate vampires and make them more than just a bunch of doofuses standing outside of Fangtasia, exercising their “constitutional right to be fucking idiots” (thanks Pam).

Give Eric his memory back, please.

Watch a few episodes of The Vampire Diaries and jot down some notes. Vampire Diaries is better than True Blood by a reasonable margin, and they can’t even show nudity. Why? Well, they keep concurrent storylines to a minimum (there were maybe three or four major stories this past season, and ran in sequence rather than all at once), for one. They’re willing to kill people off. Does anyone important die on True Blood these days?

The last deaths I remember were the vampire who wanted to marry Tara and Gary Cole’s character, both of which were minor, one wasn’t even recurring. I get that not killing Lafayette made a lot of fans happy, but maybe they could knock off Jesus or Jason or someone with a big part instead? It’s not like anyone except Sookie, Bill and Eric are really essential to the big plotlines in the show.

So True Blood, I will continue to watch you. I find occasional amusement when Pam yells at people, and there’s not a lot else currently airing. But I hope you’ll improve and return to a semblance of your former glory.

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